Tough Questions

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist.

He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C.

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first ... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

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Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.

Professionals...built the Titanic And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year ...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

CHOLESTEROL THEORY WIPES OUT HUMAN RACE

PLANET EARTH, April 9, 2057 - A faulty theory on the origin and cause of heart disease, introduced on Planet Earth 100 years prior to this date, has caused the demise of the human race, according to a Pleiadean delegation report. The theory led to food choices that proved lethal to humans over several generations.

"We were surprised at the rapidity of its effects," said the commission's chairman, "and the tenacity of the theory. Even when infertility and early death became widespread, humans did not question the validity of the basic assumptions."

The delegation, which visits Planet Earth once every fifty earth years on fact-finding missions, estimated the decrease in earthling numbers at almost 99 percent. Only pockets of isolated populations and some descendants of impoverished dairy farmers, too poor to purchase supermarket foods, remained.

Proponents of the cholesterol theory maintained that animal fats and cholesterol from animal foods were the cause of heart disease. Vegetable oils gradually replaced animal fats in the human diet as Earth-dwellers sought to lower their blood cholesterol below the levels needed to produce reproductive hormones. The introduction of imitation foods rich in plant-based estrogens, and of plant sterols into commonly eaten foods, exacerbated the antifertility effects.

Humans were also encouraged to take drugs to lower cholesterol levels and these had side effects such as cancer, which contributed to the population decline. And heart disease increased, in spite of rigid adherence to cholesterol-lowering regimes. Low cholesterol levels also contributed to an increase in deaths from suicide and violence. In addition, children experienced growth problems and increasing numbers failed to reach sexual maturity. The investigators cited the lack of protective nutrients found in animal fats as a factor exacerbating all these conditions.

Ironically, a few earthling scientists had warned against the effects of diets based on vegetable oils, the commission found. But these souls were either ignored or persecuted. Over time, mental ability declined, with great numbers of children experiencing learning difficulties and attention deficit disorder. Alzheimer's and senility increased among the elderly. Humans could no longer make sense of ancestral dietary traditions or of published studies on the role of animal fats in human nutrition.

The real enemy, according to the report, was fear. "Humans were taught to fear the very foods that had made their evolution possible," said the observers. "They were very gullible and believed the advertisements and pronouncements of those who profited from the sale of vegetable oils and cholesterol-lowering drugs."

"Even if earthlings can overcome their fear and return to traditional foods," said the commission, "it will take centuries to repopulate the earth." The delegation expressed regret at the waste of a fine planet.

How to Get Rid of Telemarketers

Whenever they ask for whoever, you say, “Hold on, let me check.”

Set the phone down, and go get a brown paper bag. Fill it with air and go back to the phone. Start yelling, “Who the hell are you? Get the hell out of my house! Holy S----”

Then pop the bag right next to the phone, and yell, “Oh my God, I’ve been shot!” Drop the phone on the floor. Don’t hang up till you hear the click on their end.